Just Add Water-September 1999

1998
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September 1999

Trying to think of a focal point for this column each month is trickier than it may seem. I know it seems like I just write whatever comes into my head each month, but there is a bit more to it than that. I run all the mental suggestions through my "Good Taste Filter." If something drops below the high standards I set for myself, I leave it in. Well, no. I usually take it out. But not necessarily. Take the really cheap joke from last month's column. No, not that joke. The visual joke. The word "task" superimposed on a stylized hand. That was one of those jokes that simply didn't need to be there. But it was.

By the way, I'd like to thank all three of you who faithfully read this column.

By the way, I'd like to thank all those other people who I haven't paid off to read this column, yet are reading it anyway.

But I can tell you this.

No, I won't tell you that, at least not this month, as I have to save something for next month.

Among the many and varied possibilities open to me for this month was an explanation of many of the net's commonly used acronyms. Like BRB (be right back), LOL (laughing out loud or lots of laughs), ROFL (rolling on the floor laughing), WTF (watching things fly), LMAOAIECPCATOTWWWLIIA (launching my aeroplane off, as it explodes causing potato chips and tortillas obstreperously to watch wonderful Whose Line Is It Anyway?), and, my personal favorite acronym, {. I still haven't figured that last one out, but when I do, watch out world!

I also had thought of messing with smileys. :-), :), ;), (:, :P, :©, and such, but they are kind of passé now.

So, I was left with discussing one of my fabulously favourite pastimes, how to occupy oneself when there's absolutely nothing to do. At this point I was tempted to mention a bunch of fabulous string tricks, but I thought better of it. Then I thought of expounding on the joy of messing with verb tenses (how many can you spot?) but that's too obvious.

So, what am I left with?

Well, this almost-completed article, for one thing.

A few confused readers.

An unopened bag of tortilla chips.

Well, not that. I can't buy those anymore.

Not that I can't buy that but, well, it's a long story. I could make the long story short, but I don't want to.

Actually, what it all boils down to, is everything's going to be quite alright. Cuz I've got one hand in my pocket, as the other hand waves a big green thing.