1998
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1999
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2000
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2001
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2002
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2003
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2004
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October 2001

If the Muppets did a musical, what would it end up like? This question was posed to me by one of my friends, who will remain nameless, because I wouldn't want to embarrass my good friend Kris, who has donated me webspace for my Undercover page, by mentioning it was her who came up with the idea.

But this is a good question, and one well worth pondering.

For instance, let's take Fiddler on the Roof. While Kermit is the obvious choice for Tevye, at least on first glance, since Kermit ALWAYS gets the lead role, yet, somehow I think that something would be lacking in this case. Perhaps Scooter would make a more convincing Tevye; or perhaps he is best suited to be the tailor.

Casting is always SUCH a chore.

Then, if you were able to tentatively cast all the male leads, you would notice a small, technical difficulty with the female leads. This play requires quite a few of them, and, sadly, there are few female Muppets. You see, once you get past Miss Piggy and Janice, the list really does drop off. There might be a rat, or a chicken or two. But on the whole, the whole situation is lacking in some serious ways.

Mind you, this is not an insurmountable problem. One could, in a pinch, have male actors play female leads. In the time-honoured tradition of Elizabethan theatre, this is precisely what happened. So one would have Macbeth and Lady Macbeth played by two men, where, hopefully, Lady Macbeth's beard would be somewhat better kempt than Macbeth's. But I digress.

Which of the Muppet characters would best succeed in gender-bending roles?

This is a deep question, and one requiring much more thought than this columnist is prepared to put forth at 9 pm on a Friday evening. What sort of slave to the grind do you take me for, anyway? But, to satisfy the curious, here are some proposed castings:
Kermit- Tevye
Scooter- The Tailor (Motel)
Miss Piggy- Golde
Gonzo- Yente
Janice- Tzeitel
Fozzie- Perchik
and so forth.

Let the reader figure out the rest.

As for me, I'm going to leave this silly pursuit of sticking Muppets into famous musicals behind for now, and move onto a much loftier pursuit. How to stick Muppets into TV Game Show hosting roles.
"Fozzie, could I have famous puppets for $1000, please?"
"Here's the host of the Price is Right... Kerrrrrrrmit the Frrrrroooooog!"

Yes, Virginia, there is a Santa Claus and I think I just found my one-way ticket to Hollywood... California, here I come!


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